by Eric Lawson
He pushed my intrusive neighbor down the basement stairs
But to be fair, I told him nobody would miss the rotten bastard
He wrecked my car horribly twice, in the same spot on the same day
But to be fair, I’m the one who bought him beer and gave him the keys
He’s not an outright dick, per se
But he loses friends much faster than he can make them
He tried to molest a sexy mannequin via the storefront window
But to be fair, I did mention that she was painfully single
He stole my roommate’s iPod and assorted Blu-Ray movies
But to be fair, I did say what’s his is mine and also yours
He’s not an outright dick, per se
But he does have outstanding warrants in five states
He robbed several local banks in a rented hot dog costume
But to be fair, hot dogs do have a way of putting people at ease
He set fire to some homeless people to light his way home
But to be fair, it’s never safe to get lost downtown in the dark
He’s not an outright dick, per se
But he frightens children whenever he eats an entire deck of cards
While mumbling “each one of these represents a soul”
Okay, you caught me. I lied. He’s really me
Does that make me an outright dick, per se?
Perhaps
Or maybe it means that I’m merely overly-modest when it comes to
accepting praise for my brazen accomplishments
Uh, yeah. Let’s just call it transference, per se
Eric Lawson thinks life is never dull with a CircusHead.
